I am Blue Sky

"Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I read once, in some spiritually based article about psychology, that our thoughts are clouds over the clear blue sky that is our true inner "self". I like that metaphor. I imagine the constant stream of critical, dark thoughts that arise out of insecurity about our performance, social convention, and self worth swirling ominously around fluffy white pockets of joy.

I often spend the day pummeling my mind with an array of perceived deficiencies which, in turn, make my daily tasks more difficult, prone to misinterpretation and error as they sift through a cluttered web of chemtrails made with half baked intentions and fragmented inspirations.

When I imagine the ever-present storms that my thoughts must create around me, I am struck how my every-day personality must be nearly wholly made up of swirling masses of perceptions, reactions and judgements. I am like the planet Jupiter, made almost entirely of dense thoughts that obscure my elemental core. The world seems too much with me and in reality never touches me at all.

There was a time in my life, from early childhood up until about aged 13 that I lived almost wholly in my imagination. I read fiction voraciously from the time I was seven years old and pulled from these books the characters, settings and plots that were as real to me as any object in the tangible world around me. It may have been caused by unusual amount of solitude I experienced through the ages of five 'till nine.

I can still conjure up, twenty-something years later these familiar vignettes:

• I am a ballooning spiderling, on a veil and a prayer.
• A marooned aviatrix pushing through the boundless Congo jungle.
• I am Nimuë, turning an already swallowed poison into a harmless sweet syrup.
• I am a princess of Amber traveling to Tir-na Nóg'th, Frakir tightened about my wrist.
• I am a Priestess of Avalon, white hand moving swiftly to hide runes in a velvet bag.
• A Bene Gesserit who walks gracefully, yet without rhythm, so not to attract the sandworm.
• I am the only one the Commander trusts to return the stolen microfiche.
• The only one the Black Stallion will let ride.
• The only one who can hear the ghost of the murdered girl howling for revenge.
• The only one who repair the last rocket's engine.

I had a dragon who grew in real time after appearing in my room at age 7, and leaving me to wander off to explore the world after he and I were fully grown. (Julian found me when he was about the size of a German Shepherd and flew off to seek his fortune when he was about the size of a school bus.)

I had fairies and angels that followed me around murmuring inappropriate jokes at inopportune times or giggling and chanting when I was trying to fall asleep. Small creatures that seemingly had no purpose (and no social skills) vied for my attention. And then there were the glowing orbs of light that would swirl around the room as I lay calm and trance-like, sleepless in that endless darkness of a child's experience of night.

All these things faded away over time. Perhaps they were poisoned by my adolescent mind as the attractions of the outer world eclipsed the enchantments of the inner. I remember these things with a smile, shaking my head with relief that I never gave anyone a reason to examine my mental health. Though now as my self actualization develops I am drawn again inward to the pursuits of my imagination. My fantasies are now based on real people and events. A motley group of desires -- writing a book on tropical isle, a pair of boots certain to possess magical powers, something shiny, a gentle soul reaching out, a force as strong as it is kind.

We are stuck between the need for security and a longing for adventure, seeking out entertainment that provides a safe glimpse into a fascinating parallel world. Enjoying a story that plays on the big screen on merely in the mind.

Weapons of Mass Creation

"Our loyalties are to the species and to the planet. We speak for earth. Our obligation to survive and flourish is owed not just to ourselves but also to that cosmos ancient and vast from which we spring!

We are one species!

We are star stuff harvesting starlight!"

~Carl Sagan~

For your consideration... Zeitgeist: Addendum, by Peter Joseph 2008

Or see it here

Waxing Poetic

The Moon,
Like a half-eaten baked brie,
hangs yellow and dripping,
just above the edge of the horizon.

~VCreatrix

Resistance: It's Futile

A a few weeks ago I lay enjoying THE nicest aromatherapy hot stone massage at a local working Lavender Farm. I was intending to relax, but my brain was still tallying and sorting. I may just have been beginning to compose another blog entry about the nature of consciousness and creativity, but I was there to rest, revitalize and clear my mind. My thoughts slowed but did not stop entirely. I remember vaguely contemplating the installation of a couple of volume sliders into my body. One for "thinking" and one for "feeling", and that got me to thinking about resistance...

I tried to focus on my breathing -- trained my awareness on the ebb and flow of the wave of sublimely scented air in the room. This went extremely well for about 1.4 seconds. Did my mind seem louder because my surroundings were quiet, or did it see this as an opportunity to step onto centre stage? When I watch a terrific movie, I lose myself in the show, suspend my disbelief, and "live" in the story for most of the duration of the show. Why is it that so difficult to "check out" and leave my thoughts behind to lose myself in the intensity of the feelings of relaxation?

One of the problems might just be that darned amphibian brain of ours. The one that is constantly aware of impending dangers, searches out symbols for possible threats and reacts. Self preservation depends on the speed of these connections, calculations and reaction. In 1960, Karl Pribram described the basics of motivation as the four "Fs": Feeding, Fighting, Fleeing and Reproduction.

Perhaps intensity is the key. Stimulation junkies that we modern folks are, need to get pretty riled up before their thoughts turn off. (I can think of only a few activities that can generate this effect.)

Stepping out of your regular routine, out of the ordinary, out of your comfort zone... and sometimes even into a zone of total comfort all help keep thoughts in a healthy sphere. Unless of course, you begin to obsess about about your level of performance in a new activity, or have added far too many new things to your old routine without letting something go...

Often, as we work, we ponder vacation. On vacation we can't help worry somewhat about our responsibilities back home. We resist the present moment in favour of thoughts of the future or the past.

A holiday to Shuswap Lake last week had me winding down, but not before cranking up the heat. I had repacked my things into a larger bag at the last minute and neglected a side pocket of unmentionables and my carefully chosen bathing suits. We arrived as the afternoon heat peaked and I rushed to change into my bikini... which was of course back in the bag left at home. I ached with regret and annoyance -- felt not a stoic acceptance of the predicament, but a strong dissatisfaction with it. Ok, I experienced some serious resistance to my immediate situation. I must admit to over-indulging in self pity before settling on the ad hoc solution of grabbing a $10 suit of the rack at Field's at 5 minutes to closing. It looked like a shower curtain from a cheap hotel, (oops there's resistance again) but at least I could take a flying leap into the lake.

I had intended to initiate a more exhaustive search for a better suit the following day; but strangely, the lake beckoned more strongly. Lying on the bow of the boat several hours later, finally allowing myself to unwind and enjoy the pure joy of warm summer breezes, I marveled at how the water sparkled and the clouds drifted and that felt wonderful.

If this was a movie there would follow an inspiring montage (to the music of "I can see clearly now the rain is gone...") Syrupy scenes of Moi, learning to let go... A series of tableaus, would show me struggling awkwardly in a frustrating circumstance before turning my frown upside down after a moment of inspiration and twinkle in my eye. My family and friends would gently remind me and I would not bite off their heads... no, instead I would shug my shoulders and nod knowingly... then we would all laugh out loud like at the end of a kids cartoon.

[Attention idealists: Finish Article Here]

But back at homestead, I'm sitting in a pile of dirty laundry and a long list of "to dos" I'm feeling the tension again. I may have made a sarcastic comment or two about having to do all the dirty work myself. There were most probably several sighs and clicks of the tongue followed by some procrastination and avoidance manefesting as strong desire to first "catch up on news and events" (aka..Brangelina's twins and Facebook).

Sure, it's human nature to focus on what could be rather than what is, but it makes about as much sense as complaining about how gravity keeps pulling everything to the ground. Resistance, yep.

For more advice about avoiding resistance while obeying the laws of physics read: Time Shifting vs Time Management--Stephan Rechtschaffen

Mustard seeds

The messages are all around me. This morning as I dumped Hazelnut Hemp Heaven granola into some yogurt, I spied a flash of yellow from inside the bag. Stuck on the reverse of the label of the clear packaging was a secret note (left just for me by the Granola King) -- only now becoming visible as the contents are emptied out.

It said, "If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." ~ Henry David Thoreau

So much of life is gazing at castles in the sky (your own as well as other people's) and feeling a certain degree of discomfort at their elusive beauty. Sometimes the view is further obscured by the foggy sensation of longing and a certain blind devotion to wanting. And then the "reality" of responsibility kicks in. Positive messages are being whispered all around if you care to quieten down those "realistic" anxieties and pay attention, but it turns out that it is particularly difficult for women to free themselves from these emotions.

"...There's an area of your brain that's assigned the task of negative thinking," says Louann Brizendine, MD, a neuropsychiatrist at the University of California, San Francisco, and the author of The Female Brain. "It's judgmental. It says 'I'm too fat' or 'I'm too old.' It's a barometer of every social interaction you have. It goes on red alert when the feedback you're getting from other people isn't going well." This worrywart part of the brain is the anterior cingulate cortex. In women, it's actually larger and more influential, as is the brain circuitry for observing emotions in others. "The reason we think females have more emotional sensitivity," says Brizendine, "is that we've been built to be immediately responsive to the needs of a nonverbal infant. That can be both a good thing and a bad thing."

I've practiced daily mindfulness for a number of years, but find that the egoic, material obsessed mind possesses a vortex-like undertow that I am still constantly drifting back towards. I know am not alone, as there are always several bestselling books that give advice on how to manage these kinds of thoughts and feelings. But I have discovered that there are others who are searching for the method to living a fully actualized life and that some are leaving articles of faith in ordinary places for others to find.

This morning the medium is also the message. Someone thought to place this note in the packaging to inspire others. Naturally, there had to have been a series of small-scale decisions involved in making this possible; but this too, began as a delicate, airy castle in the sky that someone chose to allow themselves to bestow a foundation upon. Perhaps he was inspired by a similar icon planted by someone else.

The castle is easy to create. The foundation appears as the result of certain degree of faith and plenty of good 'ol sweat. There is a choice that needs to be made directly after conceiving that castle. Let yourself believe.

I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move.
~ The Bible, Matthew 17:20

Waging Peace and Love

What if we taught children to care more about people than about things?

In the west, we do not often practice what we preach on those colourful posters in our children's classrooms. We share when we feel like it -- when it benefits our image or creates a positive buzz; when we have extra we don't really need anyway. We respect others... of similar socioeconomic background or higher. We give up playing fair when a ridiculous profit can be made. We create waste; buy things with hideous packaging and and throw things away we are bored with.

As children grow older they can't help but follow this course. No one wants to get into trouble. No one wants to lose out to others scrambling for supremacy. To not chase the trophy is to roll over and bare your neck to the wolves. The tribe does not respect stragglers and even justifies it if they are lost. We cannot afford to show weakness.

While it is natural to value the best performers, our winners, we do not consider ruthlessness a fault. Look at how we turn our heads to athletes using performance enhancing drugs. Leveling the playing field these days means giving them all drugs! But we talk the talk... we say what we wish were true (and behave to protect our immediate interests). We say that we try. We try soooo hard, it's just that we really need the money right now.

It has become increasingly clear that it is acceptable to step over others to reach the top, for the end usually justifies the means , we are accountable to the shareholders, the institution, our pocketbook, or the faceless company: an entity with a thousand faces and no heart.

Power is corrupting. But what is it? The ability to control others? To purchase any item one desires? To have others look at you and want what you have? To prove that you have more value than others, to prove someone else wrong... We know that we cannot go on like this, that we are polluting our environment and our souls.

What if instead of teaching children to look up at the stars, "aim high and don't look back", we taught them to look down? Look and see the long line of children of the earth holding hands and traveling along... What if we taught them that the most important thing was to look back and make sure everyone was ok.

* * *

I am angry and upset today. It is my birthday tomorrow and I really wanted to have my patio done but it's been delayed. I want it. I've worked hard for it. I deserve it... And then I watched a couple of videos made by care Canada and I felt deeply embarrassed. My rant has been a directed at myself. Forgive me. You are not the problem, I am. And I will change. Right now.

I'm seeing people that need some help. I think we should start with some of the poorest women. Women, says Care Canada are the developing world's most valuable, and most untapped, natural resource.

Why should we focus on women in the developing world? Educate a woman, and you educate her community. For each extra year of school a girl undertakes, her family income increases up to 20%? Did you know that two-thirds of the people in the world considered "illiterate" are girls and women? (from the Care Canada website)

These videos made by Care Canada will inspire you:




Beautiful.




Amazing.

An oldie but a goodie:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”~ Marianne Williamson

The Bear went over the Mountain -- A Poem

i)
Stretched taut or raveled skein
(darkness or rain)
When I need to appear larger
I look into you

My machinations echo
In your Valhalla Halls
Where stillness aches
A quiet while

Your pontoons a panacea
Upon my body of water
(Lake of Raging Hormones)
I sink like Atlantis

Your apparatus keeps me limber
Your nonchalance a cup
To hold my unfinished dreams
(Or lay them in the sun to dry)

ii)
Like a shadow
Across the floor
Your body's warmth
A bearskin rug before the fire

I burn I burn
I stumble and carouse
I summon demons
And crinkle my nose

Without looking up
(Or losing your place)
An arm snaps out to grip my belt
As I stand sighing at the precipice

You don't click your tongue at me
Or warn, "come away from the edge!"
My dampness soaks through everything
But you never shiver

~Vanessa Turke