I am lying in savasana at the end of Yoga class, breathing deeply. This is prime time for bittersweet thoughts, so I'm on guard - releasing tension and gently nudging those work thoughts out of my mind, to dos, scheduling concerns, twinges of regret... Breathing rhythmically, centering myself again. But sometimes I'm up against something more difficult; occasionally the thought is too brutal for a casual brushing aside. One of the strongest is a memory about savasana itself.
I'm sitting with a very ill friend. She is jaundiced and puffy and I am stumbling though small talk to get over those first moments of seeing her appearance so different than at our last meeting. Slowly we relax a bit and discuss her experience with yoga teacher training during her last months. I offer my insight as to the most relaxing pose... savasana of course... only I call it by it's other name - corpse pose. I say, "I love 'corpse pose'" to my friend who is at deaths door. The room goes silent (well except for the elephant of course). I feel like I'm going to throw up. But I don't. I don't say or do anything except look at the floor for about 4 minutes and resist the urge to run away.
Pema Chodron talks about cultivating precision, gentleness and the ability to let go in meditation practice. It's been almost three years since I said something potentially hurtful to a friend, and I think I might be ready to let go soon.
Along with the juiciness of life come fits of emotional thinking. Not always in the Victorian-lady-hysterically-fainting-on-the-couch way, but in the infectious wash it colours a whole day's worth of thoughts a shade darker. When people overwhelmed with anxiety seek help, they are often taught to examine their thoughts and intercept any poisonous ones. They do this with a home-made mental filter they create by simply paying attention for certain illogical thoughts they may have in reaction to daily events.
Here are examples:
FACT: A friend passes by on the street and doesn't speak to you.
THOUGHT: She/he must be mad at me for something.
FEELING: Anger or frustration.
FACT: The big sales deal you were working on doesn't go though.
THOUGHT: I am a failure.
FEELING: Depressed and dejected.
It is widely accepted that humans function emotionally by processing a fact from our lives by applying a judgment to it and then experiencing an emotion we attach to the judgment. Note that the feelings come directly from the thought, not from the fact. We have little or no control over most facts in our lives yet almost total control over our reactions to them. You always have some degree of choice - and the more you practice separating out the facts from the thoughts and feelings, the better you become at letting things go and feeling, conversely, more in control of your life.
This practice also takes precision and gentleness. Gentleness with yourself as you patiently pursue every stray thought for some kind of unhealthy pattern; precision as you take note of particular distorted thoughts you are prone to. There is a long list of negative thinking patterns, and chances are you use a few of them on a daily basis. Habitually disqualifying the positive, thinking in black and white or over-personalizing events are just a few examples. You can find a complete list at the UBC Leap Site.
When you begin to examine the thought patterns you generate on a daily basis, you can begin to modify them as needed to create a better state of mind, transitioning from doubt and negativity in sensitive areas of your life to an optimistic (or at least a neutral) outlook.
{As my favorite horoscope line of all time goes, "stop sticking carrots in your eye you silly bunny."}
